Calm and cool

We are knocking on wood. Things are going really well right now. They are getting back into a rhythm with school and after school projects and homework. I attended a PTO training today at the school and brought the kids along. I want to be more available to help out not only on field trips, but also in the classroom as volunteers are needed. 

I want to be that mom that is always on top of things when it comes to stuff like that. As parents, my husband and I are very much advocating for both of our daughters. That being said, I am not Super-mom all the time. Laundry is clean, but not folded right away. Dishes pile up in the sink. There is always shouting. We are very noisy in our house. Noisy and messy and fun!

We are never afraid of our emotions here. A common saying here is "hey, just because something pops in your brain doesn't mean it needs to come out of your mouth. Can we please find a nicer way of saying that?" It's amazing to me how much I just try to reiterate these simple little sayings to them. As simple as Mister Rogers Neighborhood (or the newer version Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood.) Common courtesy is still important. Please and thank you. No, thank you. I'm sorry. All simple and valid and necessary.

If all I teach my kids is how to be thoughtful and nice, then I have achieved. We are human. Our feelings are valid. Life is short, so let's all do some good. 

Spaghetti!

We  had such an amazing turnout to the supper! I was absolutely blown away by the whole event. Great music, friends, family, good food and a real feeling of love and support. There were all kinds of raffle prizes won, and lots of familiar faces. The girls went with my brother and his girlfriend for the night so we could unwind.

I have learned a lot about myself lately. I have learned that this right now is all I need to worry about. I used to be afraid of everything. I had to sort of let go of the rest so I could focus on the kids. What good would it do to be afraid and freeze up when something bad happens and they need me the most? When people ask me how I can laugh, I tell them it's because I have to. As long as I stay kind and weird, things will be fine. I can handle it. It's when anxiety and depression kills my attitude that days feel longer, people seem cruel, things go wrong. 

Don't get me wrong, sometimes it hurts to  get out of bed. Especially when it's only the second day of school vacation and it's snowing and everyone's screaming at each other. We've already done the Kiwi crate the in-laws sent. We made new crayons out of old ones. We cleaned every room. We even tore all the old clothes we had out of the basement to donate to a local consignment shop owned by Cady's classmate's mother. About fifteen bags and five totes of clothes and shoes and other odds and ends.

I think we've just been in shock for the past month. Trying to get back into a routine and get things back to normal again. The new meds seem to be working as far as we can tell. It's hard to not be paranoid and think that something is wrong all the time. Every little sound or new fixation sets me scratching my head and then I'm up all night surfing the net for my own research.

We are headed down to MGH soon so both Cady and I can get genetic blood work done. We were hoping to go today but got hit with this pouring freezing rain. We'll try to make a day of it and go to the museum or a concert or something. 

She has been re-evaluated by the school board and has been approved for full PT/OT services through the school and even over the summer to prevent regression. An IEP has been put into motion to protect both the school and ourselves legally. This is awesome and awful news to us. She definitely needs it, but it's terrifying to think that she could potentially lose fine and gross motor skills. Whether gradually or quickly, we don't know for sure. 

We just make the best of it. Hopefully that's enough.

Everything is cool.

So there is a spaghetti supper benefit this coming Saturday that some amazing people have put together for Cady. There are tons of door prizes that have been donated by dozens of local businesses to be raffled off. There will be live Blues music, open-mic so anyone can join. It really is an amazing little community here. 

A couple friends have organized an online Pampered Chef party that will be donating a portion of the proceeds to us as well.  

I feel like lately everyone has been asking about how things are going, even people I don't know. Every day I am amazed at how many people really do care.

Cady's birthday was today. She is 7 years old. We can't believe how fast she has grown. I haven't posted much because things have been going pretty well. One thing that raises a major concern is some numbness she is experiencing in both hands. I am not sure about this as she has her own way of describing things. She usually uses words like "fizzy" or, more recently, "crumbled" as descriptive words. She can move them, but she can't feel them. Her teacher has noticed a significant decline in her motor skills since the last incident. So have we. Time to call the neurologist again.

It's hard to stay optimistic. She has good days, and this was one of them. They were so tired and happy when they went to bed it made my heart hurt. I'm glad to be able to share these as well as the bad ones with my family. It reminds me of how fleeting and fragile it is to be human. Blink and it's over. "DON'T BLINK" as fellow Whovians(Wholigans?)would say.

Anyway tomorrow I have to work, and tomorrow night is the spaghetti supper benefit. Should be fun. The amount of people might trigger a panic attack, but I should be fine. The girls will be just fine too. Everything is cool. Good night.